Beneath the Surface

Here we are again...day number 5! (:

 Today, is the starting mark for my 19th year of life. I must say, 19 feels strange, perhaps because it doesn't really feel like anything at all. It's not by far old, but not too young either. And the understanding that next few years will determine a great deal of the course I will take in life is somewhat intimidating. I realize  that this time is so incredibly crucial. Yet, it is not like I'm really starting anything new, nor am I crossing a finish line. I am somewhere in the middle in this race we call life.

There is a song that has touched me time and time again called, "Time in Between." In it, the artist speaks of how thankful she is for the time in between in life. That Jesus would come to the earth, not in glory, but in lowliness and would live each and every day until He was glorified. Jesus' birth was celebrated, there was that brief spat of time when we see him at age 12, then suddenly, a chapter later, he's 30 years old. It's strange to think Jesus was once 5, once 11, once 17, and once 23. That there was a year in Jesus' life called "19" just as there is for me. Every day, Jesus had to wake up and choose the Father's will. The Bible says He was tempted and tried just as we are, yet without sin. Jesus had to live every single one of those days out, in real time. Jesus had to walk though "the time in between."

The time in between makes all the difference. The time between conception and birth. The time between caterpillar and butterfly. Between young and old.

So often, we look at the starts and the finishes in life. We forget that it is the time in between that actually makes them worthwhile at all. It's the every day choices and the moments of decision. It's waking up every morning, being a person of character, living according to the Word of God. It's daily choosing to be the best Christian, mother, father, brother, sister, husband, wife, leader and friend we can be.

Perhaps you are a young person waiting on your future mate. Maybe you are working hard finish school. Maybe your waiting for your children to finally be able to take care of themselves. Regardless, we are all on a journey in some arena of our lives. I do not pretend to believe the time in between is easy. Surely it is one of the most frustrating places and is extremely uncomfortable. It feels pointless, tiring, stressful and crippling. It makes you feel antsy, restless and even annoyed. It's reminiscent of that tingling sensation when your foot falls asleep, and no matter how much you try to make the tingle stop, you keep feeling pricked, reminded that the experience is not yet over. Yet what I have come to realize is that the time in between is crucial. It's the ordinary days that make the extraoridinary days, well, extraordinary. It's the daily words spoken, thoughts pondered and decisions made that make all the difference. It's the time in between. And it's beautiful.

Day 4, over half-way there! 

Puzzle pieces and fragments. There are days when I look at my life and this is all I see. Though some the pieces are colorful and lovely, the more I look at them, the less sense they seem to make. Why Lord? God, sometimes I just don't understand why my life is the way it is. I adore the life I have been given. I love every piece of it, but that's just the thing; while I like most of the pieces (while there are those also which I despise and which frustrate me), I don't always see how they fit together to make a whole.

I don't understand why I am constantly plagued with thoughts too big and even too deep to fully wrap my mind around, yet I try to comprehend them only further frustrating myself. I don't get why I sometimes have to fight back monsters that I have already defeated. I don't understand why I am quirky and often say the wrong thing. I don't always understand why God lays certain burdens upon my heart that I can never shake. I don't understand why God makes me wait...and wait...and when I finally think I'm done waiting, to wait still a little longer.

I always want all the little puzzle pieces to magically zoom to their places so I can finally make sense of things. I know that the big picture that God created my life to look like is beautiful and masterfully designed. I understand that when I get to view it in its fullness and grandeur that I will loose my words, and even my breath, at the sight of what my King has created and woven together. Sadly, I often don't see the big picture. The truth is, most of the time, none of us do.

It causes me to think of the disciples. Though Jesus had again and again told them of his death and resurrection, they still did not understand it. Yet after Jesus had risen and came to them once more, Luke 24:45 tells us that "he opened their minds to understand the Scriptures." He then went on to explain the Father's plan. Jesus is the one who makes the puzzle make sense. 

Though I often don't understand the specifics of my life or the questions that seem to steal my peace, I find the key to my puzzled mind in Christ. Though I may not know who I will marry, where I will live, or could write out exactly the plot line of my life for the next 50 years, I know who my God is and what He is capable of. I know that He is my source and the One who knows the beginning from the end. It is during times such as these I treasure the pieces I am given, understand that I may not understand them, then cast my gaze upon the only One who does. The One who made the puzzle from the beginning with every delicate brushstroke.

Day 3 in the week of posts!

Sticky. That's what it's like writing this post. No, I did not spill maple syrup all over my computer. What I mean to say that in writing right now is feels sticky in that it is difficult to find the words to write it. Today, I had a million thoughts bouncing around through my head, but none of them seemed truly worthy of posting. So I just started. The cursor blinking at me mockingly, each word was somewhat of a drudgery. Like pulling tired legs through knee-high sand, I felt the weight of writing tonight. In fact, I feel it now as I type this very sentence. Yet with each character, something sparked within me. This is what life it like! Sometimes, life is sticky. Sometimes there are things that we are to do, but they don't quite come as easily as we would desire. Sometimes it may feel uncomfortable. It may be the changing of a bad habit. It may be stepping out in faith at work. Possibily it means speaking to someone who intimidates you or telling someone how you really feel. It may be starting the project that seems impossible and is looming over you at every turn.  The point is, sticky times call for action. Sometimes, you just have to start. Start thinking, typing, talking and walking it out. Open up, step out, go on and move forward. As I began this post, I felt stuck. I also won't pretend that all the "sticky-ness" of this post has magically disappeared. Yet what I realize it that by starting, I accomplished what I set out to do. I wrote. I fought against "sticky" and came out victorious. And I did it all with 31 minutes left on the clock.

Day 2 of my week challenge! Buckle your seatbelts!

 

Alright. This post may at first make me "creeper status", but allow me to explain. It is said that the average person spends such-and-such amount of time sitting at stoplights. Though I do not know this exact amount of time, I would suspect it to be quite a lot. I personally use this time to watch people in the opposite turn lane, perhaps you have done the same. I love to watch people in their cars as they drive passed me. I am always overwhelmed by how many people I feel like I have never seen. I ponder them, sitting there at that obnoxious red light teasing me. I wonder who they are. What is their family like? Where are they going? Who are the people they love the most? What do they believe about life and what caused them to think that way? What have the seen, who have they talked to, and what experiences have shaped their world-view in the time they have tread this green earth? 

It is just so crazy to me that I can live in the same town with so many people and only come to know a select few. There have been so many times I have been doing this, and end up getting honked at by the row of cars behind me as the light has been green for almost 3 of their precious seconds. Yet I wouldn't trade this time for the world. Why? I suppose it is because I know that it affects me in a way I find difficult to construct into sentences and words. It helps me to expand my vision, open wide my often blinded eyes, and actually recognize how many people live day by day without the Lord. It helps me to remember the tremendous worth of the human soul that so often gets brushed aside with my busy schedule. It keeps me from forgetting that I and my circle are not the only people alive, but that there are so many opportunities around us. Every person we encounter every day has a story. You never know just who may be on the edge of breaking. Who's loved one just passed away. Who doesn't know how the rent will get paid. Who is afraid that their parents won't stay together. It could be your barista, the lady sitting at table 10, the old man staring into the distance, the young mom trying to control crying children.  There are constantly people all around us, but do we take the time to lift our eyes and look?Are we staring at the red lights in life, that make us impatiently wait, or do we look at the waiting as the opportunity to make an impact? Take the time to take your eyes off the blockade that may be in front of you, and lift your eyes to see the world around you.  You may be surprised how God can use you when you do. It may even surprise you further how quickly that red light in your life changes to green.

Challenge time! About a year ago, I did a small personal challenge on my blog. This challenge was to write one post a day for a whole week. I remember this stretched me and caused me to think, but I loved it. That is why I decided to bring back the one week challenge. For the next seven days I will post once every single day. I have no clue what this week will hold, but I invite you to take this journey with me all the same!

Here's today's post:

I distinctly remember when I was first learning to play my harp. For hours I would play, and so often after so long of my fingers striking the notes, pulling at the rough strings, my skin would break and my fingers would bleed. Yet after the blood was shed, dried and forgotten, my fingers daily grew stronger. After a while, calluses began to grow. As this process continued, I realized that my new-found strength has been brought forth through what once was pain. Loneliness is like this. Trials are like this. Life is like this. Lonely times are never fun to encounter. In fact, as we strike our lives against strings of loneliness, sometimes we may bleed a little…or a lot. But oh how good it is! How much is it to our benefit! How a little bloodshed brings a deeper strength. Now do not think here that I mean we ought to wallow in our loneliness or lament again and again over our pain. Yet we must be able to allow it to transform us and be made better through it. Calluses form, not to keep us back or to keep us from relationship, but instead to make us more apt to play beautiful melodies. Because I have bled, I now can better perform. Sometimes pain brings forth strength and ability to do and be so much more. I thank God for letting me to go through lonely times, for allowing me to sometimes bleed for my own benefit. Now I am more able to play on for His glory.

 Boating on the lake. Freezing under piles of blankets. Eating food cooked over a fire. Spending nearly 5 hours playing Monopoly. Singing worship and having devotions in the woods. Cribbage tournaments. Video shoots. Dusty feet, mosquito repellant and sunscreen. It can only mean one thing...

I have a confession. Today, I had a bad attitude for an hour. Today, I probably said or thought something I shouldn’t have. Today, I was an icky sinner. What a concept!

I was reading a blog earlier where a girl spoke about how she writes about her day as something fantastic and how it makes her sound so unreal. She writes,

If you havent noticed yet, I have been updating my blog quite a bit lately. I now have these lovely little tabs at the top of the page where you can go to check out my favorite quotes, growth journals, my other blog and other blogs that inspire me. So go on, use them!